ChäoS;HEAd

12/05/2012 4 comments
Chaos Head

I feel FUNimation should have paid me 30 dollars to watch this.

Chaos Head, I’m sorry I mean’t ChäoS;HEAd (because semi-colons, random capitalization and umlauts are cool), is easily one of the most retarded things I have ever seen. Now as I watch a lot of anime, I’m no stranger to the pointlessly stupid. However, ChäoS;HEAd goes above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to being astoundingly bad. Each episode seems like a twisted experiment, trying to see what new and exciting levels of retardation it can reach. The first episode is bland and boring then each additional episode gets worse from there until you reach the final episode which is pointless, nonsensical, and completely devoid of any value. There is not a single redeeming factor in this show. The main character is an unlikable minge, the supporting characters are barely one dimensional, entire plots are entirely pointless and even the visual imagery fails miserably because the animators at Madhouse decided that bothering to animate this show was too much effort for them. The show starts out as a shittier Welcome to the NHK, then turns into a murder mystery, then turns into a psychological thriller, then turns into an action series, and never even remotely succeeds at any of them. All these tone shifts are completely sudden and jarring as fuck, often abandoning any plot points left hanging only to remember they exist four to five episodes later and try to lazily tie them up or leave them entirely pointless. Read more…

A crapload of stuff I watched V2.

11/27/2012 3 comments

I didn’t add these to the previous post because it was becoming rather robust so I decided to split it in two parts. Read more…

A crapload of stuff I watched.

11/19/2012 8 comments

Over the past couple of months I’ve watched a crapton of stuff dubbed, but I’ve been do busy doing more important things, like working… or playing Borderlands 2 to bother actually coming up with a write up for how I felt about them. As such I’ve decided to cleave through as much of by backlog as possible while being as lazy as possible. Read more…

Doctor House vs Vampires

06/11/2012 2 comments

At least Shiki had the common courtesy to make one of its villains a complete cunt when it wasn’t busy trying to make us believe that the rest of them were “tragic” villains.

Shiki has the distinct honor of being the second thing I’ve watched dubbed before seeing the Japanese track (the first was the gloriously confusing mess that was A Time to Screw). I try to avoid this, but with Shiki my laziness got the better of me. It was an impulse buy that I wasn’t really interested in so I figured I’d save myself watching the series twice. (Although the Japanese cast does have Toru Ohkawa in it, so I’ll probably check it out at some point.) So what did I think about Shiki? I thought it needed more Toshio Ozaki and less everything that wasn’t Ozaki being fucking awesome (which, to the show’s credit, was quite often). Unfortunately, Shiki had the potential to be crazy awesome but instead squandered it. Now Shiki does have a lot of really great elements in it; like violent mob lynchings and the worst character in the show getting repeatedly hit by tractors, run over by said tractors, and finally lynched by said violent mob. (One of the most satisfying deaths I’ve seen in a while.) However there are some glaring critical flaws in the show that degrade the entire experience. (Like a certain character not dying horribly in the end.) Read more…

Strike Witches and Dawn of the Seeker

06/01/2012 4 comments

At least it’s better than “Boobies for the win!”

Ah, Strike Witches. Anime fans with silly things like taste and standards quickly dismiss this series on the grounds that a show about little girls wearing no pants is fucking retarded. I concede to that point. There are two acceptable clothing levels for females. The first is clothing that is practical for the situation. It doesn’t matter what clothing it is, if the situation calls for it, it’s acceptable. For example: wearing a bikini at the beach, wearing a suit in the office, wearing full plate-mail while battling a dragon, or wearing a retarded combination of colors and materials while staring in a 80s music video. All of these are acceptable and not retarded, and if a woman is truly attractive she can rock any outfit she’s wearing, be it an extremely revealing outfit or Kevlar battle gear. The second clothing level that is acceptable, is full nudity. (I’ll permit some ‘extra wear’ like stockings, for the fetishists). Those are the only two acceptable levels of clothing. This means that, wearing a parka at the beach is not acceptable, wearing a bikini to the office is not acceptable, battling aliens without pants is not acceptable, and wearing a retarded combination of colors and materials in anything but a 80s music video is not acceptable. In short, if Strike Witches was about lesbian orgies, lack of pants would be a good thing. Sadly, it is not. It is a show about cute-girls-doing-cute-things… and fighting aliens.

However, I feel that dismissing Strike Witches due to it’s lack of trousers is unfair, because it ignores the far more egregious problems with the show. The plot. Yes, the plot. Not the pandering bullshit, not the generic characters (when the best character is so lazy that I’m pretty sure being part of the cast is too much effort for her, you know you have a great set of characters), and certainly not the inane writing. The. Plot. Strike Witches‘ plot is completely fucking retarded and I don’t think there was a single moment in the show past the first fifteen minutes where I didn’t find something wrong. Read more…

Crap I’d Like To See Dubbed (And Not Dubbed)

05/29/2012 2 comments

Just over one year ago I sat down, popped in my Rebuild of Evangelion blurays, and for the very first time in my anime watching experience, switched the language track to English. Approximately four hours later, having been finally exposed to the bane of Artistic Integrity™ and quality that is English dubbing, I simply thought, “Eh, it was pretty good, I don’t see what everyone bitches about.” Thus beginning my journey through the abject horrors of the American, Canadian, and sometimes British anime voice-acting. Some have been good, the majority have been bad, and a select few have been so bad that I have to question what “bad” truly is. So now that a year has passed since I begun vomiting up my thoughts in the nonsensical, horrendously written, stilted prose that is this blog; I have decided to think forward at two categories. The first is dubs that I will probably never get to see because either they won’t get licensed, they’re really hard to get a hold of, or they just don’t get made (except for a few flukes). The second is dubs that either I’m most-likely going to watch, but really don’t want to, or don’t ever want to see get made in the first place. Why? Because I like watching things I know I’m going to dislike. (Heck, I just ordered the “limited edition” of Shiki off of Rightstuf, despite the fact that I will probably hate both the series and the dub. But hey, at least I get text-less openings and four commentaries!) Read more…

Categories: Anime, Stupid Bullshit

Cowboy Bebop

05/02/2012 5 comments

I fucking hate sepia-tone.

Yup it’s finally that time. The be all end all of dubbing. The Alpha and the Omega. The pinnacle of all human accomplishment in dub form. The dub so good that it can actually delete the Japanese audio from existence if the two tracks ever get too close to each other. The one dub that is generally considered to be at the very least “bearable” even amongst the most vile and vicious of dub haters. Now, I normally try my best to completely omit the Japanese track when I’m deciding whether or not I hated a dub, because I frankly don’t care about how well the two compare to each other, they’re two different things and I judge them as such. However, since the Bebop dub is generally labeled as “better” than the Japanese track, I’ve decided I’m going to forgo that rule and not even bother considering the English track its own thing. Yeah it’s petty and trite but I’m a petty and trite person and on the scale of annoying, vehement Bebop dub enthusiasts rank somewhere just below people who spend all day masturbating to Avant-Garde bullshit and hipsters. Read more…

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